I don’t really have time to be writing this post. I am sort of over-scheduled right now.

First of all, as you may know, I wrote a book. It wasn’t supposed to come out until May 8th, but the folks at Amazon decided to send it out a week early, so if you pre-ordered, you should already have it in your hands, which is equal parts thrilling and anxiety-producing for me, feedback junkie that I am.

As such, I’m throwing a party at Green Apple Books on Clement Street in San Francisco, getting ready for a big signing party up in Santa Rosa at my parents’ house, preparing for a demo at The Olive Press, and planning a trip to to Los Angeles and then Chicago, to speak at both cities’ Google locations and a variety of other fun spots, shortly thereafter.

Also, I am writing a second book, about pizza dough (go figure). My manuscript was due 2 days ago. It is not finished (I’m close though, I swear).

Funny as it may sound given what I do for a living, when I work for hours on end, I often forget to eat…even if I’m cooking. I’ll have coffee, then more coffee, then a glass of water, after realizing how dehydrated the coffee has made me, then suddenly it is 3 PM and I am starving. This pizza was this afternoon’s much-needed diversion/sustenance. And it was awesome.

Now excuse me, I have stuff to do!

There are two conversations which my parents (who have been married for 31 years and have one of the best relationships I know of) have with enough regularity that I can usually mouth along with them.

The first happens every Passover, while we are preparing for Seder at their house. My mother pulls out the Seder plate we've been using for the past million or so years and attempts to arrange the Passover symbols in their proper places. This involves reading Hebrew--something my mother doesn't know how to do.

So, she summons my dad, who does read Hebrew, to join her in the kitchen and help. He happily agrees and they set about trying to figure it out. The scene that follows is always the same and always hilarious to witness: inevitably, my father can't figure out one of the spots, and my mother insists she knows what it is, which, of course she does not (though, neither does he). "You don't read Hebrew!" my dad insists. "I've been doing this for 31 years!" my mother retorts. Eventually they figure out what needs to go where by process of elimination, while my brother and I snicker, because it isn't Passover until this happens.

The second scenario happens with a bit more frequency: the subject of vegetables comes up--either because we are eating them or because we are talking about food (which we are pretty much always doing). My father professes to like vegetables. Like clockwork, my mother laughs and says, "yeah, if they're covered with enough cheese sauce!" He denies this, she rolls her eyes. We all laugh.

I happen to love vegetables, even without cheese sauce. But I gotta tell you, this cheese sauce could convert even pickiest of supposed vegetable haters.

Passover begins Friday, which means it is also time for brisket! This easy and irresistibly delicious version yields meltingly tender beef in a flavorful, slightly sweet sauce.

If you can’t find Kosher for Passover canned tomatoes, just use an equal amount of halved Roma tomatoes.

Evan told me about can-smoked tuna yesterday as we were discussing cool ways to apply fire to food. His friend David Ruderman, an Orthodox rabbi, showed him how to do it once, when he was visiting from Israel. David picked it up during his time in the military, where this trick originated. I have to admit, at first I was skeptical; the process involved packing a can of oil-packed tuna with a wad of toilet paper and setting it on fire. It sounded dangerous and kind of gross.

Still, I was intrigued. And now, having just done it, I can confirm that it’s actually quite easy, tasty and really, really fun to make. Though the fire actually stays quite small and is surprisingly non-smelly, there’s something just awesome and rustic-feeling about setting up a “smoker” on your back deck.

And the results are just incredible. The smoking process gets rid of that fishy, tinny flavor, replacing it with a complex, smoky one, making it perfect for this smoked-whitefish-style salad preparation.

I happened to have some fresh bialys, which I toasted and served it on top of. It’d be good plain too, or heaped on top of some dressed greens.

Note: I highly recommend using very basic toilet paper or tissue. Don’t use anything with fragrance or lotions in it.

• ingredients
• 1 can olive-oil-packed tuna $2
• unscented toilet paper or tissue, preferably organic
• 2 tbsp finely-minced onion $0.50 for a whole onion
• 1 tbsp finely-chopped flat-leaf parsley $1 for a bunch
• juice of half a lemon $0.50 for a whole lemon
• 1 hard-boiled egg, cooled and chopped $1.50 for 6 eggs
• 2 tbsp mayonnaise Pantry
• salt and pepper to taste Pantry

Total Cost of Ingredients: $5.50

Directions

Carefully open up the can of tuna without removing any of the oil. Discard the lid.

Place the tuna can in a large pot and bring it, with some toilet paper or tissue outside. Keep a pitcher of water nearby, just in case.

Take about 4 squares of toilet paper (or the equivalent amount of tissue) and fold it up into a little stack. Press it into the tuna, allowing the edges to hang off the sides. The paper should soak up quite a bit of oil.

Carefully light a dry edge of the paper and watch it while it burns. The whole thing will catch on fire and continue burning (using the oil as fuel). Stay nearby, and keep an eye on it. It should keep burning for 10-15 minutes.

Eventually, the flame will go out, which means that the fish has finished smoking. Let the can sit for 5 minutes to cool down.

Use a fork to carefully remove the ashy paper (it should just peel off). Discard it and transfer the fish into a mixing bowl. Refrigerate for 5-10 minutes, to cool it down.

Stir the cooled fish together with onion, parsley, lemon juice, egg, mayonnaise, salt and pepper.

Serve immediately or chill for up to 24 hours.

Serves 2.

Ooh, these are so good.

Sweetness from the caramelized onions and apples is contrasted delightfully with salty cheddar and spicy black pepper. Make them for brunch, or a light supper, served with a green salad.