Every year, my mom insists on giving my brother and me foil-wrapped milk chocolate Santas at Christmastime…and every year he and I exchange knowing glances because we both know that our respective chocolate St. Nicks will sit on our respective coffee tables for a few weeks until we get tired of looking at them and they end up dying their inevitable respective deaths in our respective compost bins.

I was just about to toss this year’s ridiculous Lindt Santa when it occurred to me that I could use it to make the dessert tortillas I dreamed up a few weeks ago—and actually, it was perfect. The milky chocolate fused perfectly with the cream cheese and cinnamon, making the whole thing taste like a blend of warm chocolate ganache, cheesecake and churros—all in about 15 minutes.

• ingredients
• 4 8-inch flour tortillas $3 for 24
• 4 oz. cream cheese $1.50 for 8 oz.
• 4 oz. milk chocolate chips or chunks $2 for 14 oz.
• few dashes of cinnamon $1.50 for 1 oz.
• few dashes of salt Pantry
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter, divided $1 for a stick

Total Cost of Ingredients $8

Directions

Spread each tortilla with an ounce of cream cheese.

Sprinkle the chocolate pieces over half of the tortilla, on top of the cream cheese. Top with a dash each of salt and cinnamon and fold over to make a half-moon.

Heat 1/2 tbsp of butter in a medium frying pan over medium heat and cook the quesadilla on both sides, until the chocolate is melted and the tortilla is golden-brown. Transfer to a plate or a warm (but not hot) oven until ready to serve. Continue cooking with remaining butter and quesadillas (using 1/2 tbsp for each quesadilla).

Cut into wedges and serve warm, garnished with powdered sugar if desired.

Serves 4.

I like my pizza simple, fresh and thoughtfully-prepared. Goopy, saucy, cheesy pizza with a plethora of toppings can be delicious, but alas, it is not pizza—it is casserole and thus falls into a different category. This straightforward yet unique pizza showcases my latest culinary obsession: fried scallions: sliced scallions (I use the whole thing—white and green parts), fried until brown and crispy in a little extra virgin olive oil and then lightly-salted (don’t forget the salt—it brings out the scallions’ delicate flavor). The sweet-yet-bright tomato-parsley sauce is the perfect base for these little lovelies and the resulting pie is full of flavor yet understated.

• Ingredients
• extra virgin olive oil Pantry
• 8 scallions, cut lengthwise and then into 1” strips $1 for a bunch
• 1 large handful fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves $1 for a bunch
• 1/8 cup tomato paste $1 for a 6-oz. can
• 3 cloves garlic Pantry
• salt and pepper to taste Pantry
• flour for rolling and for pan Pantry
• 1/2 recipe Pizza Dough $1.50
• 4 oz. fontina or mozzarella, sliced thinly $3.50 for 8 oz.
• red chili flakes (optional, but highly-recommended) $1.50 for 1 oz.

Total Cost of Ingredients $9.50

Directions

Preheat oven to 475 degrees F. Lightly flour a baking sheet or pizza pan and set aside.

Heat 4 tbsp olive oil in a medium frying pan over medium-high heat. Add scallions and cook, turning occasionally, for 1-2 minutes, or until they lose most of their greenness and become golden-brown and crispy. Drain on paper towels and sprinkle lightly with salt.

Combine 2 tbsp olive oil, parsley tomato paste and garlic in a blender or food processor and puree to form a slightly chunky paste. Season with salt and pepper to taste and set aside.

On a lightly floured surface, use your hands to stretch and shape the pizza dough into an 8” circle or square (or whatever shape you’d like) and transfer to the prepared baking pan.

Spread the sauce over the pizza, leaving a 1/2” border for the crust. Spread the cheese slices evenly over the pizza.

Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until crust is golden-brown and lightly charred.

Top with red pepper flakes and the fried scallions.

Serves 2.

The Valencia Street location of Dosa in San Francisco is one of my all-time favorite places for brunch, lunch and/or dinner. The restaurant’s specialty, obviously, is the Indian Dosa-a thin, crispy crepe. Though dosai (plural of dosa) are typically made from Indian rice flour, I figured I could tinker a bit and make them out of wheat flour, a pantry staple. I served the crisp, savory resulting crepes rolled into pretty cylinders with addictively-good Yogurt-Mint Chutney and a lightly-dressed cabbage slaw. It was the perfect light supper, though it would also make a great first course for a modern Indian meal.

• ingredients
• 2 cups flour Pantry
• pinch of salt Pantry
• 1 6-oz. can coconut milk $1
• 1 1/2 tsp ground cumin $1.50 for 1 oz.
• 1 egg, beaten $1.50 for 12.
• vegetable oil as needed Pantry

Total Cost of Ingredients $4

Directions

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees. Have an ungreased baking sheet ready.

Whisk all ingredients together so the result resembles a thin pancake batter. Add a little water if necessary.

Heat 1 tbsp. vegetable oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat. Pour 1/8 cup batter into the pan and use the edge of a spatula to spread it around, creating a very thin pancake (crepe). Cook until golden-brown on the bottom (1-2 minutes) and carefully flip to cook the other side. Transfer the cooked dosa to the baking sheet and place in oven to warm. Continue cooking dosai and transferring them to the warm oven.

Serve hot, alongside curries or (my favorite way) with Yogurt-Mint Chutney and a simple cabbage slaw.

If you think about it, piroshkis are the original Hot Pocket. Warm, savory filling inside a crisp, flaky dough, they are the ultimate portable meal. I make these on the mini side, which makes them a great appetizer, but feel free to increase the size and serve them as a unique vegetarian main dish. Other great fillings would be ground beef and onions (the classic meat piroshki), mashed potatoes and onions (another Old Country classic) or a more modern mushrooms/goat cheese/herbs combination.

• ingredients
• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into small cubes $1
• 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for rolling Pantry
• salt Pantry
• 1/4 cup sour cream 1.50 for 8 oz.
• 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, plus more for greasing pan Pantry
• 1 medium onion, diced $0.50
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped Pantry
• 1/2 head cabbage, cored and chopped finely $1.50 for a head
• 2 tart apples (Granny Smiths work well), peeled and diced finely $1
• 4 scallions, chopped $1 for a bunch
• 1 handful fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped finely $1 for a bunch
• 2-3 sprigs fresh dill, chopped $1 for a bunch
• pepper to taste Pantry
• dash of balsamic vinegar Pantry
• 1 egg $1.50 for 12

Total Cost of Ingredients $10

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly grease a baking sheet and set aside.

In a mixing bowl or food processor, combine butter, flour and a generous pinch of salt. Cut together until mixture resembles small peas. Add sour cream and stir to combine a sticky dough. If dough is a little dry, add 1-2 tbsp ice water. Cover dough and refrigerate until ready to use.

Heat olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Add onion and cook just until translucent, 1-2 minutes. Add garlic and cook for another minute.

Lower heat to medium and stir in cabbage, apples and herbs and cook for 12-14 minutes, or until cabbage and apples have completely softened. Season with salt and pepper to taste and stir in a dash of balsamic vinegar. Cook for 1 more minute, then remove from heat and transfer to a clean plate and allow to rest until cool enough to touch.

While cabbage mixture cools, roll dough out on a lightly floured surface until it is about 1/8” thick. Use a floured 4” cookie cutter, cup or bowl (I used a plastic food container, which worked well) to cut the dough into circles. Re-roll scraps and continue cutting until all dough has been used up. You should have 14-16 circles.

Beat the egg with 1/8 cup water to make an egg wash. Use a pastry brush to brush the edge of a dough circle with the egg wash. Place about 2 1/2 tbsp of the apple-cabbage mixture on one half of the dough circle. Fold the other half over and press gently (but firmly) along the edges of the circle to seal it, forming a half-moon. Use the back of a fork to create a scalloped edge along the seal. Transfer to the prepared baking sheet. Repeat with remaining dough circles. You might have a bit of leftover filling. Just eat it—it’s delicious.

Brush the tops of the piroshkis with the egg wash and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve warm.

Makes 14-16 smallish piroshkis.

One of the most useful tools that Textpattern (the program I use to manage BrokeAss Gourmet) provides is the traffic log. Like most other content management systems, Textpattern’s traffic log shows me what links and searches are leading visitors to BrokeAss Gourmet. For the most part, readers come from Stumbleupon, Facebook, Twitter and Google. Typically the Google searches are for the terms “BrokeAss Gourmet” or a particular recipe or food. But every now and then, I find a Google search for weird/amusing word combinations. Recently, the traffic log has reflected searches for:

Onion+yogurt+sex (hmm…what kind of evening did you have planned?)
Gabi+Moskowitz+bra+size (as if it were listed on the internet somewhere)
Food to put in ass (sorry, you won’t find that here…)
Gabi+salmon+porn (what kind of girl do you take me for!?)

So, this morning when I was checking my traffic log and found that some cute, slightly misinformed person had Googled “Gabby Moskowich,” I giggled, but then it struck me that I should invent a signature sandwich and call it the Moskowich, especially in light that everyone seems to be freaking out over Graham Elliot’s new sandwich joint, Grahamwich. I know the goat cheese doesn’t sound like it goes with the chutney and naan, but trust me, the sweet potatoes pull it all together into a richly flavorful portable lunch.

• ingredients
• 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil Pantry
• 1 small sweet potato, scrubbed, sliced into thin rounds $0.50
• salt and pepper to taste Pantry
• 2 rounds Green Onion Naan and 4 tbsp Fresh Mint Chutney $11 for the whole recipe
• 2 handfuls fresh mixed greens $1
• 1 oz. crumbled goat cheese $3 for 4 oz.

Total Cost of Ingredients $15.50

Directions

Heat the olive oil over medium-high heat in a grill pan or cast iron frying pan. Add the sweet potato slices and cook for 4-5 minutes on each side, or until lightly charred and cooked through. Remove from heat and season with salt and pepper to taste.

To assemble the sandwiches, spread 2 tbsp chutney over each naan round. Place a handful of mixed greens on half of the naan and top with half of the sweet sweet potatoes and goat cheese. Fold in half and serve.

Serves 2.