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Prep Time 0:20

Cook Time 0:35

When you think of promiscuity, as in casual sex with more than one partner, you probably don’t think of soups fitting into the picture. Think again. A homemade soup is not only super cheap and very impressive to pull off for a date, if you make enough you can re-heat it for the next night’s date, dust off your apron going “phew!” and think of soup as your set ‘em up and knock ‘em down wingman. Or wingwoman. Fly it anyway you like.

This particular soup, however, is to be used with caution. It is a rich Italian minestrone and packed with seduction and spice in the way that only Italians make love with food (and vice-versa). I’ll just say that the last boy I made this soup for, well, let’s just say he came back for more than I expected. When they taste this minestrone, you will get those eyes and now you’ve been warned.

• INGREDIENTS
• 3 carrots $1.50
• handful of fingerling potatoes (4-5) $2 / free if actually in your hand when you leave the store
• 1 yellow onion $.89
• 1 fistful green beans $1.50
• 2 small-medium green zucchini squash $1.50
• 2-3 celery stalks $1.99/lb
• 2-3 garlic cloves Pantry
• 1 can red kidney beans $1.59
• 1 can yellow corn $1.49
• 1 overflowing handful of pasta (your choice) Pantry
• 1 bunch of fresh basil $2.49
• 1 large can stewed red tomatoes $2.75
• 1 can tomato paste $1
• splash of red wine (up to 1/4 cup) $1.99
• salt and pepper to taste Pantry
• olive oil Pantry
• water to cover

Total (Maximum) Cost of Recipe: $19.00

DIRECTIONS

This procedure is unusual in that you’ll be doing prep simultaneously as you cook; have a chopping board next to the stove because you’ll cook and cut, and keep adding to the pot, all at once. Which will, of course fill the house with a sensuous scent of warmth, comfort, and Italian cooking so when your date arrives as you’re mid-chop, it’s like they get a kiss at the door without even trying.

Oil in the pot, enough to cover the bottom. Get your heat on medium-low, chop the entire onion into 1-inch long pieces, and toss it in as the oil heats up. Use a wooden spoon to give it an immediate roll-around in the oil and turn your attention back to the other veggies. You’ll chop and add them in order of “hardness” — carrots cut into rounds about 1/4 inch thick at most, and in the pan they go, with another roll around in the oil and onions. Next come the potatoes; cut into smallish bite-sized pieces, and into the pot, stir it up. The same treatment comes for the green beans (1-inch pieces), celery (1/4-inch thick), and zucchini (1/4-inch thick rounds).

Turn the heat down if it’s acting like it’s frying the veggies — but know that each time you add a veggie and stir the pot, you decrease the heat within the pot. This is when I add the garlic, chopped very fine. Why? I don’t believe in overcooking garlic. Let the heat return to the pot and add that splash of wine so it makes a nice sizzle. Stir, stir, stir. Grab about 10 basil leaves and a pair of scissors, and cut the leaves haphazardly into the mix. Open the can or tomatoes and stick your hand in (careful, sharp edges) and squish the tomatoes into the bottom of the can over the soup so all the juice runs out (and hope your date is watching). Then, with your fingers, shred about half the tomatoes in the can into the soup mixture. You won’t use the whole can. Stir gently.

Add water to cover all the veggies, turn the heat to medium, and put a lid on it, pal. Then make your pasta in a pot on the side. I find that spirals (Fusilli) really look great in this mix. Take a coffee mug, scoop out a cupful of broth, and mix the entire can of tomato paste into it; pour this back into the pot. Open and drain the corn and beans, add about half a can of each into the soup. Grab 10 more basil leaves and your scissors, and cut the leaves haphazardly into the mix.

When your pasta is done, drain it and add it to the soup. Add salt and pepper a little at a time — add, stir, taste, repeat — until the broth sings all the flavors of the ingredients cooked into it. Try each of the veggies separately to make sure they’re cooked through; ideally you want them cooked but not colorless or soggy.

Optionally, you can serve your victim, I mean date, a bowl with some Parmesan or Pecorino-Romano shredded on top. Don’t forget the wine, and be prepared to have a safe word ready when they ask for seconds. But don’t worry — you’ll have enough. This soup is exceptional when made with all-organic ingredients.